Review: Doctor Who - 'The abominable Snowmen'

 Warning: There is very little to spoil. 

After a shockingly naff batch of episodes last year, the Doctor Who christmas special held the promise of new adventures and a new companion, perhaps a new vibe and even a new Tardis! No more poxy Ponds - maybe it could be a new lease of life for the show! An opportunity to stop fucking up, once and for all! But no, as it turns out, it was the usual mess with added shoddy CGI snowmen - another episode that's ultimately utterly pointless, a waste of an hour of your life where the day is saved in a completely illogical way harking back to when an enormous Cyberman blew itself up because it realised it was a Cyberman.

Review: Argo fuck yourself

 هشدار: خوانده شده بعد از اینکه شما تماشا 

Argo packs one hell of a punch, leaving you feeling tense for hours after it's finished - a strong cast and perfect pacing ensures a nail-biting journey, but even though we're informed at the start of the film that it's based off true events (no The Imposter-style misunderstandings this time round!), it's often quite tricky to tell how much of the action has been dramatised for the sake of nudging us closer and closer to the edge of our seats. The question is, of course, who gives a shit, really? It's a fine piece of cinema that opens your eyes, forces you to confront a scary world and offers a chuckle or two along the way - even if it's a little over the top.

Review: M's the Bond girl in 'Skyfall'

James Bond is back, showing The Bourne Legacy how a motorbike chase should be done and, arguably, better than ever. Skyfall is definitely a Bondgasm - it's 'classic Bond meets new Bond' and misery guts Daniel Craig seems to have a lot more fun as 007 in his third outing than in any of his others. With M by his side, he embarks on a surprisingly personal and visually jizz-worthy adventure set mostly right here in the UK. Get set for shots of Big Ben, tube crashes and an awful lot of the word 'bloody'.

More Misfits

The new soggy Misfits teasers from E4 show that there's still a lot of life left in the British superhero comedy/drama. After the previous batch of, let's be honest, hit and miss episodes we've been left hanging - Alisha & Simon's timey wimey tale finally came to a close in epic style which saw the two of them bow out. Who will fill their shoes? That'll be Jess and Finn. The two newcomers will be introduced to the gang along with what seems to be a brand new storm, which will no doubt bring about a fresh collection of powers and yet more whacky adventures.

Review: Doctor Who - 'The Angels shit on Manhattan'

 Warning: Shut your eyes or you'll see spoilers! No, wait! Don't! 

The Angels are not what creates the sinister feelings in this episode. The sense of impending doom comes from the way in which it is written, directed and acted. Compare this to the previous four episodes and ask yourself if you even needed to watch any of them? This is what it's all about. Yes, there's a whole load of paradox crap and timey wimey nonsense, but that's just something we have to accept is a part of the Moffat-driven era. The vibe here is what we want more of - the darkness, difficult choices and the Doctor's emotions and mistakes at the forefront of all that's going on, rather than his hilarious jokes and ability to run through corridors at lightning speed. Moody Doctor Who is best.

Review: Doctor Who - 'The Power of BBC Three'

 Warning: Spoilers ahead. Read them rather than watching the ep, honestly.  

To be fair, this ep would've probably gotten a full five stars if those hilarious little orange aliens from the old BBC Three idents had shown up instead of those boring black cubes that promised much more of a mystery than they delivered.

Review: Doctor Who - 'Riding Dinosaurs on a Spaceship'

 Warning: Spoilers here, to the sound of trumpety music. 

Doctor Who's answer to Jurassic Park is an episode filled with dinosaurs and spaceships and it should be brilliant. This, this is just awful.

Honest to god - can anybody fathom why there needs to be such a constant flow of comedic, bouncy music running through the entire episode? Again - it should be fine, it should just be a right laugh and a heap of fun  - nothing wrong with that - but it doesn't sit right. Not one bit. There's every opportunity here to create a serious science fiction show that has a sense of humour - simple. The problem with Doctor Who is that it's 90% pantomime and 10% making up for the lack of genuine drama with childish slapstick and melodramatics. For exaxmple, the two robots that feature in this episode are quite entertaining, like something from Hitchiker's Guide, but was there any room for them? Did they ever really have a purpose, or a chance to shine, or were they simply squeezed in because Doctor Who's got to be so fucking hilarious these days? Quit it with the comedy act!

Podcast #4 - Olympics Vs Paralympics

It's all over ladies and gents! We never thought it would be, but finally the Olympics, the Paralympics, the whole lot - finished. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for everybody involved and one that's been truly splendid for us to watch unfold on our televisions. We'll surely tell our grandchildren about how lucky we were to be around when it happened... But, which is better? The Olympics or the Paralympics? There's only one way to find out!

After a few weeks of radio silence, Roo & Will return to discuss why the Olympics seems to get slightly more attention than the Paralympics, among plenty of other interesting topics such as wank banks, flags, stabbings, strange noises and what there is to do on Christmas day. Fascinating stuff as usual! Tune in via the player below, or go here to subscribe with iTunes!

Will Albert Square give 'Chryed' a happy ending?

Big soapy gays Syed & Christian are due to leave the happy world of Walford later this year, it has been revealed - but will they be leaving together, or in seperate black cabs after half an hour of shouting and crying? Only time will tell.

Review: Doctor Who - 'Eggsylum of the Daleks'

  Warning: SPOIL - ERS! SPOIL - ERS! 

The Daleks, at one point in the history of Doctor Who, were actually quite scary. Then, they got into a horrible pattern where they're killed by the Doctor, all of them, every last one of them - and then, a few episodes later, they all come back to life and the Doctor kills them all again. And again. And again. And we're bored. And again. And they're not scary any more - fact. So much so that Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) admits she's "never been completely scared of the Daleks," and showrunner Steven Moffat says "there's a slight danger with the Daleks that you might start to think they're cute." And, regarding the show's 7th season opening episode, he said he's successfully made them "scary again", "properly vicious" - which is a bit rich considering we are treated to hearing a Dalek with a girls voice, crying a little bit.

The Doc's 54 seconds of 'Pond Life'

Watch the first episode of a Doctor Who online-only miniseries entitled 'Pond Life' after the jump, in which the Doctor does his usual 'running about as if he's in a comedy' routine. That, and quite frankly absurd activities that'd kill a character in any other sci-fi with half a brain, such as surfing - wait for it - on fire. Yes.

Eastenders spin-off could be new British sitcom?

New ideas for sitcoms are dreamed up every year, but very few of them capture the nation's imagination. However, there's something different about the next brilliant sitcom to come from us Brits (potentially). It's an Eastenders spin-off called 'Off the Rails!'... Maybe.

Is this a fab idea or is this a fab idea? Ian could end up on the streets once more, grow another beard and constantly talk about his once thriving empire to a drugged up Phil Mitchell, who's presumably managed to escape some sort of high security prison. He's on the run, blamed for a murder he didn't commit - for once! As a result, we get to see him dress up in all sorts of hilarious disguises! The possibilities here are endless!

New Skyfall posters & trailer

HCTV's managed to grab an exclusive look at a brand new poster for the latest addition to the James Bond series, Skyfall... Alright, maybe it's not 'exclusive', but who'd want to brag about having seen this first anyway? It's naff! There's been a much sexier one released, and you can see that if you press the big red 'read more' button...

Misfits is the new Sugababes

Misfits was fairly groundbreaking back in the day, long before it turned into the TV show equivilent of The Sugababes. A brilliantly casted bunch of loud-mouthed teenagers end up with super powers after a freaky storm - great idea. What's more, their story is set on a scummy council estate, which means there's loads of what we're all big fans of here - sex, drugs and violence. Most of the time it's far more of a comedy than it is a drama, with Nathan providing the majority of laughs... But then, he buggered off.

Doctor Who Season 7: Running through a corridor near you...

Doctor Who is terrible. Bloody awful. Really quite naff. Flooded with plot holes, inconsistencies and convenient moments that eliminate any feeling of genuine threat - if only it took itself a touch more seriously instead of running up and down corridors bellowing, "GERONIMO!" at every given opportunity. If it just had the courage to go through with storylines that are brave, risky and ultimately, shockingly original. The potential has always been there and sometimes the show gets remarkably close to reinventing itself, but, unfortunately, it always inevitably spirals back down into this weirdly revolting pool of shit and puss that roughly translates onto our TV screens as a man wearing a bow tie who always saves the day thanks to some bizare coincidence or by simply using his now all-purpose sonic scredriver that could destroy a planet if it wanted.

New 007 trailer is 33 seconds of Bond-gasms

 

Bond proves he's back with a bang in this new US teaser trailer which debuted on NBC during the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony. Another reason to love us Brits! It's quite clear that come November they'll get to see Daniel Craig doing all sorts of your typical Bondy shizzle, such as having sexy flings with beautiful women, shooting big guns, falling from great heights, going to fancy parties and straightening his jacket after having very nearly been killed.

Mr Bond, Mr Bean, Mary Poppins & the Queen

Beautiful, epic & funny. The London 2012 Olympic games got off to a flying start last night (that featured no huge technical faults!) with a brilliantly British opening ceremony.

It was fairly dull to begin with, however. We saw a bunch of people standing about in fields for a while which eventually lead us on to a massive set change too, because there's nothing more majestic than watching a large woman lug a shed off into the distance. But, once that was all out of the way, things really began to hot up!

The Inbetweeners, americanised...

It is thought by many that if an american were to watch the UK's original version of a comedy they've stolen, they would burst into flames and burn to dust before the end of the opening credits. It simply cannot be done. This, Misfits, Skins and Spaced have all been morphed into completely naff shows by the americans. Even Only Fools & fucking Horses is going to be getting one of their makeovers! The question is, why don't we make our own versions of Friends, Will & Grace, 30 Rock, Malcolm in the Middle or How I Met Your Mother? And the answer? Because we appreciate that what makes these shows funny is their context, and that they are indeed american. They are american characters in an american world. It's the way it was meant to be shown - the way the artist intended. You try and fuck that shit up and it just won't work - you'll lose track of the 'punchline'.

Ian (The White) heads back to Eastenders

Ian Beale's heading back to the wonderful world of Walford later this summer! We last saw him taking off in his pyjamas and, after suffering a nervous breakdown thanks to money troubles and things not going so well with his latest bimbo, he seems to have ended up homeless and trampy! So, to put a smile back on his face, he's decided to return to the one place he knows everyone's always having the time of their lives. East-fucking-enders.

Ben there, done that!

Ben Mitchell, the east end's most notorious homosexual psychopath, is capable of just about anything. That's a fact. He pushed lovely Glenda down the stairs and he managed to psychologically disturb his father, hard-man Phil Mitchell (and the rest of us) with secret messages and a stash of black envelopes. He even burned his little sister with a hot teaspoon in the style of the crazy psycho bitch who taught him how it's all done - Stella.