Review: Doctor Who - 'The abominable Snowmen'

 Warning: There is very little to spoil. 

After a shockingly naff batch of episodes last year, the Doctor Who christmas special held the promise of new adventures and a new companion, perhaps a new vibe and even a new Tardis! No more poxy Ponds - maybe it could be a new lease of life for the show! An opportunity to stop fucking up, once and for all! But no, as it turns out, it was the usual mess with added shoddy CGI snowmen - another episode that's ultimately utterly pointless, a waste of an hour of your life where the day is saved in a completely illogical way harking back to when an enormous Cyberman blew itself up because it realised it was a Cyberman.

What will Disney do with Star Wars?

Disney have only gone and got their grubby little hands on the Star Wars franchise, but what the hell are they planning to do with it? Squeeze it for all it's worth - that's what! Surely their first thoughts have been merchandise-related - stacks of new lunchboxes, talking action figures, trading cards, teddy bears, toilet seats, etc - but come 2015 they'll have to deliver the new movie they've promised everyone. Episode 7. But the question is, will it be more Jar Jar than Yoda? More Maul than Vadar? More green screen than actually surprisingly good visual effects considering when they were done? Only time (and space!) will tell...

Review: Doctor Who - 'The Angels shit on Manhattan'

 Warning: Shut your eyes or you'll see spoilers! No, wait! Don't! 

The Angels are not what creates the sinister feelings in this episode. The sense of impending doom comes from the way in which it is written, directed and acted. Compare this to the previous four episodes and ask yourself if you even needed to watch any of them? This is what it's all about. Yes, there's a whole load of paradox crap and timey wimey nonsense, but that's just something we have to accept is a part of the Moffat-driven era. The vibe here is what we want more of - the darkness, difficult choices and the Doctor's emotions and mistakes at the forefront of all that's going on, rather than his hilarious jokes and ability to run through corridors at lightning speed. Moody Doctor Who is best.

Review: Doctor Who - 'The Power of BBC Three'

 Warning: Spoilers ahead. Read them rather than watching the ep, honestly.  

To be fair, this ep would've probably gotten a full five stars if those hilarious little orange aliens from the old BBC Three idents had shown up instead of those boring black cubes that promised much more of a mystery than they delivered.

Review: Doctor Who - 'A Town Called Mercy'...

... and a horse called Susane.

 Warning: Neigh! Neigh! Neigh! (That's a spoiler warning in 'horse'...)  

Looks like Steven Moffat's shown us some mercy! At long last! An episode of Doctor Who that's ridiculously brilliant, almost beyond measure. Completely perfect. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever - five stars. Well, almost. Nearly. No, sorry, not at all. In an ideal world, maybe, but this - it's bearable and that makes a most welcome change. Instead of legging it through narrow spaces as he'd usually be doing on a Saturday night, the Doctor seems to take a breather, have a few conversations and save a town, rather than the entire universe. Nice.

Review: Doctor Who - 'Riding Dinosaurs on a Spaceship'

 Warning: Spoilers here, to the sound of trumpety music. 

Doctor Who's answer to Jurassic Park is an episode filled with dinosaurs and spaceships and it should be brilliant. This, this is just awful.

Honest to god - can anybody fathom why there needs to be such a constant flow of comedic, bouncy music running through the entire episode? Again - it should be fine, it should just be a right laugh and a heap of fun  - nothing wrong with that - but it doesn't sit right. Not one bit. There's every opportunity here to create a serious science fiction show that has a sense of humour - simple. The problem with Doctor Who is that it's 90% pantomime and 10% making up for the lack of genuine drama with childish slapstick and melodramatics. For exaxmple, the two robots that feature in this episode are quite entertaining, like something from Hitchiker's Guide, but was there any room for them? Did they ever really have a purpose, or a chance to shine, or were they simply squeezed in because Doctor Who's got to be so fucking hilarious these days? Quit it with the comedy act!

Shopping List September 2012 - Dexter, Daleks & Daley

September's already here and we're ferociously hurtling our way towards Christmas day faster than we'd like. Pay day's just been and we've only a short while left to spend money on ourselves before we need to start splashing out on everyone around us. What's worth buying, then? Here's 10 TV and film-related bits and bobs you need in your shopping basket...

Review: Doctor Who - 'Eggsylum of the Daleks'

  Warning: SPOIL - ERS! SPOIL - ERS! 

The Daleks, at one point in the history of Doctor Who, were actually quite scary. Then, they got into a horrible pattern where they're killed by the Doctor, all of them, every last one of them - and then, a few episodes later, they all come back to life and the Doctor kills them all again. And again. And again. And we're bored. And again. And they're not scary any more - fact. So much so that Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) admits she's "never been completely scared of the Daleks," and showrunner Steven Moffat says "there's a slight danger with the Daleks that you might start to think they're cute." And, regarding the show's 7th season opening episode, he said he's successfully made them "scary again", "properly vicious" - which is a bit rich considering we are treated to hearing a Dalek with a girls voice, crying a little bit.

The Doc's 54 seconds of 'Pond Life'

Watch the first episode of a Doctor Who online-only miniseries entitled 'Pond Life' after the jump, in which the Doctor does his usual 'running about as if he's in a comedy' routine. That, and quite frankly absurd activities that'd kill a character in any other sci-fi with half a brain, such as surfing - wait for it - on fire. Yes.

Podcast #2 - Bad sci-fi

For those of you who were big fans of HCTV's first podcast, gleefully listening to it on your way to work, or on the lavatory, brace yourselves - here's another one! This time we're delving deeper, asking what it is that makes us human and what our purpose might be, here on Earth... Well, almost!

Roo & Will take to the microphone a second time to discuss why some sci-fi turns out so bad and which genres of film and telly are the most believable. Mull over a shoddy third installment of Men In Black, a consistantly disastrous Doctor Who, an undeniably pretty-looking Prometheus & the ultimate in whacky space operas - frelling Farscape! Keep up to date with HCTV's podcasts by going here (or by following the link over on the right), and then clicking 'Subscribe with iTunes' on our Podomatic sidebar.

Doctor Who Season 7: Running through a corridor near you...

Doctor Who is terrible. Bloody awful. Really quite naff. Flooded with plot holes, inconsistencies and convenient moments that eliminate any feeling of genuine threat - if only it took itself a touch more seriously instead of running up and down corridors bellowing, "GERONIMO!" at every given opportunity. If it just had the courage to go through with storylines that are brave, risky and ultimately, shockingly original. The potential has always been there and sometimes the show gets remarkably close to reinventing itself, but, unfortunately, it always inevitably spirals back down into this weirdly revolting pool of shit and puss that roughly translates onto our TV screens as a man wearing a bow tie who always saves the day thanks to some bizare coincidence or by simply using his now all-purpose sonic scredriver that could destroy a planet if it wanted.

Review: Dexter needs a Doctor

 Warning: Semi-spoilerific 

The majority of Dexter fans will agree that the earlier seasons of the show were the best and that it peaked at season 4 - since then it hasn't recovered. Season 5 was naff, at best, but comes across as pretty much the best damn thing on TV since sliced bread commercials when you sit it next to the tat that was season 6. So, why exactly is the show on such a slippery slope? Its 'shock' moments aren't so shocking any more and the build up to reveals takes far too long for the result to turn out being such a bunch of bizarre, short-lived pay-offs. In other words, it's leaving a lot to be desired, because they're trying too hard to do 'cool' shit.