Warning: Completely ruins all the surprises
It's good, it is - really! The idea is huge, the 'feel' is perfect, the score is brilliant and the pacing is fabulous. It's almost a perfect movie. No lie. And it looks gorgeous. However, the reason it doesn't quite hit the spot completely is because of a shit load of paint-by-numbers characters, the ridiculous decisions they constantly make and a whole heap of terribly wasteful storytelling.
For instance, we've got the tough guy who's covered in tattoos, who clearly doesn't want to be onboard 'Prometheus' and makes it obvious by constantly throwing a wobbly. I couldn't give a monkey's about this chap for a while, but then he became quite interesting, all of a sudden, right before having his face melted. That was a shame. Then, ol' Vickers in charge of the ship - she was a pretty interesting lady with a backstory we didn't really care for in the heat of the moment (mainly because there's aliens and death and spaceships all going on - something about her Dad - we were up for finding out more later) but just when we think we're going to be in a position where we have no choice but to dive head first into a bit of an emotional adventure with her, she's crushed by an enourmous alien boomerang because she accidentally forgets she can move in more than one direction.
Stupid characters. Characters who have potential depth that's not explored is bad enough, but when they're thick too - that's taking the biscuit! From the very start there are strange decisions being made and this trend continues right the way through to the bitter end.
- Why not tell the crew where they're going before they get there? Surely we'd feel more attached to them if we knew they gave a damn and had actually wanted to travel into space to find some aliens (nice ones, that is).
- Taking off your helmets in an alien environment is crazy, yes, but then leaving them off even when you realise strange goo is bubbling up around you as a result is madness!
- Not running like hell when a whacky snake thing hisses its anus-face at you is bonkers - let alone attempting to stroke it.
- Not telling everyone you've got aliens leaping from your eyeballs.
- "Oh, hey, that dead guy's outside and his camera has come back on since he was dead. He died due to coming in contact with some sort of hideous virus - probably alien. Why don't you send out a bunch of extras to check on him."
- "Surely you want to find out what they've got say?" / "I don't care." / "You must care about something - why did you come?" / "Because I thought we were going Bowling. You didn't tell me about this crap 'til we got here."
- Putting Guy Pearce in old-man makeup rather than just hiring an old man. (Sorry, not really the character's fault, but still!)
- Black-guy hero and his two friends who seem suspicously happy to die, choosing to blow up Prometheus by crashing into an alien spaceship without consulting all of the extras still trapped onboard.
- Run left! Run left! Or right! Something! You're gonna get crushed! Roll! Roll you daft bitch! Roll like she did! Idiot! Crushed.
There are plenty of issues - granted. However, these admittedly large problems with the script won't take away from your overall enjoyment - unless you've been wanking over Alien for the past god-knows-how-long. Obsessive fans are quite rightly upset, but it sort of is their own fault for hyping it up so bloody much! Will hardcore fans ever learn? (I did - Saw 3D.) There are connections to Alien, yes, but it isn't as clear-cut as you might have thought, which is great because Prometheus doesn't have to rely on it being 'an Alien prequel' to get away with being a darn good movie.
Our leading lady, Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and robo-David (Michael Fassbender) steal the show. She is full of emotions and he is full of, well, complications. They're about the only two characters who are truly fascinating and utterly convincing and luckily the focus is on them. The whacky situations they find themselves in are butt-clenchingly intense and, most of the time, unpredictable. The movie also contains a terrifyingly graphic alien-pregnancy bit that'll make you squirm - guaranteed.
★★★★☆
Roo