Digital Spy has told us that "EastEnders favourite Alfie Moon is left devastated... as
the reveal of Kat's mystery lover proves to be the final straw for his
troubled marriage." And it's no wonder really, as the reason she's been so secretive over the true identity of the bloke she's been banging is because the bloke is actually a lady and the lady is actually her barmaid, Tracy! In much the same way her long forgotten daughter Zoe did, she's been dabbling in the lesbian arena - and now it's time for her to come clean. And it's all just in time for Christmas!
Let's face it, the folks up at Eastenders HQ are more than likely going to reveal that her bit on the side was, indeed, either Max or Jack all along - or Lord have mercy - possibly even Derek Branning. Which is a shame because Jack doesn't seem the type, Derek wouldn't really be worth the effort and Max and Tanya are burying each other alive a lot less these days. It's a viscous cycle for most characters on the square, you see. Kat's constantly going to be bonking randoms down alleys and sleeping about until her dying breath and Max, if the writers have it their way, is destined to keep cheating on Tanya too (until they both decide it's time to stop renewing their contracts, in which case they'll make up and sail off into the sunset to Julia's theme). Whitney will go on and on falling in love with abusive men, Bianca's set to be in a financial pickle for the rest of her days, Phil's forever going to be having run ins with the police and Ronnie is still probably losing babies behind prison bars. Everybody has their horrible little never ending, unescapable scenarios on Eastenders, but there's one place the writers will always turn, whichever character their dealing with, when they've totally ran out of ideas: completely unnecessary affairs.
The least they could do this time round is make us want to get to know Kat a little better all over again - 'the tart with a heart'. As it stands, we can't give a shit any more because she's coming across as a heartless tart and it's all because we can't see her struggle, or her lover, or any of her dilemma. So - take us all by fucking surprise! Do something we'd never have expected. She's suddenly a lesbian now. Switch it up, for Christ's sake. She's fallen in love with a garden fence and wants to marry it and be on a documentary on Channel 4. She's not having an affair with anyone, she's just pure evil and she's playing mind games and wants Alfie to have a mental breakdown. She's not even Kat Slater any more, she's an imposter - Kat Slater was abducted by a race of aliens with no understanding of the concept of morals many years ago and she, in actual fact, is happily married to a cardboard cutout of Alfie Moon on the other side of the solar system. That'd be nice.
Roo